The Statesboro High School Student Council released a statement yesterday reaffirming their annual commitment to inactivity on behalf of the student body. The statement’s title: “Aesthetics: Nothing More, Nothing Less,” outlined the documents goal.
“Student Council will refrain from implementing substantive reform or change beneficial to the student body,” says Section V, line II, “in favor of purely superficial work, such as vigorous debate on homecoming hallway themes, and the Junior Class representatives’ endless toil to choose fleetingly witnessed prom decorations.”
SHS Junior, John Doe, posed a confused question at the statement’s reading in the media center yesterday.
“Why did you release this statement, instead of taking the obvious path and hiding the problem?”
“Student government has received growing requests to facilitate real change,” senior Student Council President Nash Davis countered, “We feel that this statement really helps illustrate Student Council’s position as a puppet organization.”
A flurry of idealistic shouting on the nature of the organization followed the shocked silence President Davis enjoyed while exiting the podium. This commotion was broken only when an SHS staff member explained Davis’ accusation.
“We [The Administration] feel as if giving students a semblance of power and self determination helps placate them throughout their high school career, and provides a cleaner alternative to violence when attempting to subject students to our will.
**This article is satire. Portrayals of real people therein should not be construed as an endorsement of it’s content or understood to be factual.**