Let’s not vaccinate our children (Satire)

Let’s not vaccinate our children (Satire)

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Liberals across America have decided against injecting their children with dangerous chemicals and instead choose the natural and organic alternative of disease.

Since the dawn of man, humans have battled with our greatest enemy, illness. Smallpox, yellow fever, black death, ebola, influenza, polio, and many other illnesses have plagued our kind for millennia. The resilient human race has developed, through intense study and hard work, methods of preventing many of the terrible diseases in hopes of completely removing them from society. However, in recent years, a new cultural fad has arisen. It includes saying no to things that would otherwise keep one in good health.

In strong defiance of the science of medicine and everything intended to help people, the smart and independent moms of America, who don’t need no doctor tellin’ them what’s good for them and what ain’t, are withholding mankind’s defense against disease from their children. It only seems right that we should starve kids of vaccines, against their will, to keep them safe from much more harmful ailments such as autism.

Minority groups who are unable to receive vaccines due to age, cancer, or other impediments are in the warm, educated, and loving hands of ignorance. If a child goes blind from measles or becomes paralyzed because of polio, parents can rejoice in the fact that all those children of the anti-vaccine pioneers aren’t autistic.

“Who’d want to put all those icky chemicals inside their body,” a very smart and independent mother told reporters, “Besides, it’s too mainstream to use vaccines.”

 

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